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Saturday, September 19, 2020

Rules of Engagement for a Friendship Breakup

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I know you love your friends, but not all friendships will work out. Not all of us will be as perfect as Barney and friends. Sometimes you find somebody with a bad taste in your life, and even though you have good intentions, you can’t afford to keep them around.

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If you are fortunate enough, your friendship may just and without any awkward request of getting that sweatshirt back. The process is going to be slow and happen imperceptibly. If luck doesn’t shine on you, the friendship may and with one or even a series of small confrontations.

The truth is that it is almost impossible to avoid getting friend dumped or breaking up with friends when things don’t favour both parties.

Nevertheless, there are a few rules that you can apply (Call then rules of engagements) so that the breakup does not end up being a complete shit show the way many romantic relationships usually end up.

Consider this an honorary attachment to both the girl code and guy code.

1. Thou shall admit thy mistakes

to be candied their is nothing more frustrating and annoying to Humanity in general and friendship in particular than the inability for a person to say “oh my bad” that is to admit a mistake all worse still admit a series of mistakes that have now become a pattern. It is a really difficult thing to confess or admit wrong doing.

The reason is obvious: no human wants to think of themselves as inconsistent, inconsiderate, two-faced, or whatever it is the mistake they made might be.

But, part of claiming a chair at the table of adulthood is admitting your mistakes. Not admitting your mistakes is not only unfair to your friend, but it also hurts them, and it makes it seem like you are in denial. And denial is not good clothing for anyone who wants to be straightforward in life.

2. Thou shall apologise

Real and genuine apologies may seem like a rare commodity especially in our day where everyone wants to be right. some people literally cannot admit mistakes in the first place however when people try to take the blame for other peoples mistakes it can be seen as weakness.

There is something very arrogant about thinking that your pride is more important than someone else’s injury and that is what happens when you do not apologize for the wrong you have done.

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Most terrible is how some people find is easy to say “I am sorry you got offended” rather than a genuinely showing remorse for the damage they have caused. sincere apologies do not need to be dramatic, a simple acknowledgement of regret might fix huge damage, and that will go a long way

3. You shall ground your grievance in reality

Make sure that everything you would say must be based on facts and not assumptions or imaginations. It does no good to be upset over something that actually did not happen even if the reason for your anger may seem logical to you.

We all know how tempting it can be to read meanings to peoples character and misunderstand their intentions, but part of being a grown up and a kind person is to give other people the benefit of the doubt.

Before you get upset about anything, you always to your friends together all the facts so that your anger can be justified if the situation is one that is annoying.

4. You must show compassion even when your friends behave terribly

When we see you hurt so upset seen other people as victims of their own struggles is usually not the first inclination.

This reason why some people might not rise above their bad character or attitude is that every one of us has personal problems that we are dealing with and for that reason, we might be struggling hard to please others, but we end up doing it wrong.

And it just like we do not care when in reality we do, but our personal problems won’t let us show it. Everyone can relate to this, and once you come to this realisation, it becomes easier for you to be more compassionate towards people.

5. You must not project

When I talk about projection, I mean accusing someone of evil or dirty deeds that actually are a reflection of how you feel about yourself.

A projection is when you have a misunderstanding which you and your friend begin to say things like “Oh you think I am selfish?” or “you think I’m a failure” when they have said no such thing and would normally not think that way about you.

In most cases, such accusations are just somebody’s insecurities speaking and were still such projections have become a normal thing when most people have misunderstandings, and it happens when people have not taken the time to examine their own issues.

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Projections can make conflict more complicated because instead of focusing on the problem at hand and get emotional and distracted by things that are not real.

6. You must not dig up dirt from the past if you claim to have let it go

Bringing up old grievances just so that you can make a point in the present is not fair. Yes, it was really upsetting when she had to get drunk several times in college, and you ended up taking her home, but all of that happened several years ago and should be water under the bridge by now.

If you claim to have gotten past all over that then it is best you’ll let it go and stop talking about it whenever you quarrel.

It is true that some things become patterns of behaviour which continue to show itself into the future and it just seems right to points them out if they serve a purpose in the present. Nevertheless, old fights that you claim to have let’s go of a long time ago are not supposed to become a weapon for fighting wars in the present.

7. You must not get other people involved

Whenever your friend is acting badly, and you get upset there is always the temptation to talk about it with some other person just to validate your experience and to be sure that you are not going crazy.

However, it is not right to talk about your friend with someone else is especially when there is a juicy story involved. Sometimes you just may be creating the wrong impression in the mind of this third party, and that would lead to humiliation and discrimination later.

That is not all, everything might backfire (it always does), and you’ll be ashamed of yourself for unintentionally creating a problem. It is poisonous to have your friend see you as a back biter and someone who is not capable of keeping a secret. You don’t want to be that person.

If you find these tips helpful or wish to add to them, please do so by leaving a comment.

Friendship Breakup
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Disclaimer: This article is purely informative & educational in nature and should not be construed as medical advice. Please use the content only in consultation with an appropriate certified medical or healthcare professional.

Emmanuella Ekokotu
Ekokotu Emmanuella is a sociologist and Anthropologist, writer, and fashion model who lives in Benin city, Edo state,Nigeria.
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