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Friday, September 25, 2020

Polyamory – Here’s What It’s Like to Be Polyamorous

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When it comes to being in a relationship, nobody wants to share the love of a partner with anyone else. The thought of a lover having feelings for someone else is frustrating and betraying because if you claim to love someone, you should stick to loving them alone. Or so we think.

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But sometimes you hear people say it’s possible to be in love with more than one person at a time. While that may seem like a very greedy idea, there are cases where people agreed to love a particular person and believe they’re all loved equally by this person such a situation is called polyamory.

Polygamy and polyandry are more familiar concepts than polyamory. Some cultures and religions support polygamy and polyandry as long as the funds to take care of your lovers are available, but when it comes to loving all the people you are involved with equally, it might be a little confusing. Someone has to be the favourite wife or the most loved husband.

However, with polyamory, it is different. Your emotion is equally shared by all the people you’re in love with, and they all grant their consent to be in a sexual and emotional relationship with you void of jealousy. Seems crazy, doesn’t it? Polyamory comes from two different words. The English word “poly” meaning many and the Latin word “Amor” meaning love.

The practice of polyamory has been on for ages, but because of the social mindset towards it, lots of people have to hide in the closet out of fear of being judged by the larger society. However, much recently, a few people have been bold enough to come out and let the world know that they can’t stick to loving just one person.

Unlike when you’re in a monogamous relationship and have someone else on the side who you have to keep away from public knowledge or your lover, Polyamory is a committed relationship between you and several people, so you all know yourselves and can even have sex together at the same time or different times.

However, if for instance, you are in a polyamorous relationship with three men and a lady, none of the six of you is allowed to have a relationship with someone outside the circle. If you do, that’ll be cheating.

Depending on how the polyamorous relationship begins, there could be laid down rules and regulations if an existing monogamous couple decides to bring other people. However, some people do not like the idea of having a hierarchy in a relationship just because two people have been together for a longer time.

Meaning, once polyamory begins, adjustments might be made to see to it that every member of the association has equal rights and can make the same demands. They can have sex and go out as many times as they want with each other as nobody gets more attention than the other person.

What if one of the partners begins to get jealous?

Every human being gets jealous when they feel that somebody else is getting what they deserve, and they are not getting it. So, it is possible for a partner to get jealous in a polyamorous relationship if they sense another partner is getting some extra attention.

Well, it is believed that the human brain can handle loving more than one person at a time and do so equally. That explains why you can genuinely love all your siblings reasonably.

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So, it is assumed that the lovers in a polyamorous relationship love each other equally and when there are issues of one person feeling jealous, such emotional insecurity should be addressed immediately. Communication is what makes a polyamorous relationship work, just like we know the connection between partners is what makes almost every relationship work.

Having multiple consenting sexual partners is healthy for both the mind and body. In times when you’re emotionally down, there are different options for significant people to express your feelings to, and there is a higher chance of getting at least one person who would understand you.

And as for the sex, when one partner cannot satisfy your sexual desires, another partner would be willing to take you to the point you want to reach sexually without you having to cheat or feel guilty because you are still faithful. That’s an easy way to have sexual and emotional security.

Furthermore, polyamory provides all that you want from your picture-perfect relationship as all your lovers are different pieces of the puzzle.

Heart Breaks in Polyamory

Dealing with a broken heart has never been easy for anyone, that’s why some people advice against putting all your eggs in one basket. In the case of polyamory where we have many consenting baskets, heartbreak is still very possible.

One of the consenting partners could fall in love with somebody else and decide to leave the relationship. That will take a very dangerous toll on you as you would consider it as cheating. And if you show too many emotions due to the heartbreak, your other partners might get upset.

However, the first thing to have in mind when you’re going into a polyamorous relationship is that you stand a risk of fighting with more people then when you’re in a monogamous relationship because It is challenging to meet the demand of everyone at the same time.

Conflict resolution in a polyamorous relationship could be hard and exhausting than a monogamous one. Because your partners have different orientations and backgrounds, they would understand things differently, and their reaction to different situations will be of varying magnitude. That’s a whole lot of work on you.

Most polyamorous people are bisexual or heterosexual women who might not necessarily start the relationship because of their love for sex but because of their emotional attachment to some people.

However, not everyone is capable of handling a polyamorous relationship because it requires more patience, tolerance, and financial commitment as you have to provide the same things for everyone involved.

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With the change in lifestyles especially in this 21st century, quite some youths are finding it easy to engage in polyamory. That is why the concept of threesomes and groupies are more popular now than ever before.

People want to explore their sexuality with many other like-minded individuals without being judged, and polyamory is a term that explains their desire.

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Disclaimer: This article is purely informative & educational in nature and should not be construed as medical advice. Please use the content only in consultation with an appropriate certified medical or healthcare professional.

Emmanuella Ekokotu
Ekokotu Emmanuella is a sociologist and Anthropologist, writer, and fashion model who lives in Benin city, Edo state,Nigeria.
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