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Thursday, February 27, 2020

8 First Date Mistakes All Men Must Avoid


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Deborah Akinola
Wirter, poet and public speaker

So it is almost Valentine’s day, and you have been thinking about taking your crush out on a first date, and you already feel like you are strung out on a tight rope. This feeling is understandable especially if she is someone you have had the hots for, for way too long.


Here is what we suggest you need to do. You don’t want to be seen as desperate and at the same time boring and nonchalant. According to research, it has been observed that most guys usually make a mess of themselves on the first date because they are always making these same mistakes.

You must understand that it is the first date not yet a relationship. You don’t go for the kill now, you take things slow but not too slow in order not to bore your date. Hence, these are the typical mistakes that we have noticed that most guys make when being on a first date with their soon to be the girlfriend. You want to make her yours, then avoid doing the following like a plague:

1. Getting your hands all over her

Here is what you must first realize, she isn’t yours just yet. Quit acting like she is. You may begin to think that touching her, wrapping your hands all over her, establishing a lot of hand movements is going to make her fall for you.

Chill bro, you are doing the exact opposite of what you intend. You are coming off too strong hence making her scared, and you are probably making her run the other way. The impression you mean to give her is that you can be her comfort and a shoulder to rest on but here is the reaction she is getting “Ewwww, that dude is super touchy.”

Trust me when I say that this isn’t the impression you want her to have about you. When you are on a first date, you must ensure that your hand gestures are limited. I mean avoid the touchy part entirely if you can. Except the occasional having to hold her hand when getting off the vehicle, ensure that you keep your hands to yourself.

If you must touch her, let it be the warm and friendly touch not the sexual “I want to get you to bed” kind of contact. Trust me, and women know when you are merely being sweet and friendly, and they know when you are aiming to sleep with them.

2. Keeping mute

Here is an aspect that most ladies really hate when men do it. It is absolutely impossible to continue making her talk all the time while you keep mute. Doing this only means one thing: you think she is a chatterbox and can’t keep her mouth shut.

It is a conversation and not an interview. For God’s sake, avoid this like the plague. You might be thinking you are coming off as the strong silent type who doesn’t like to speak much while here is what she is thinking “Well, he is a boring person who is emotionally closed.” When she asks a question, avoid the one worded answers. They are just simply annoying.

There are some ladies who are patient enough to bring you out of your shell, but if you don’t give her a little to work with, she has nothing to go on. Hence, she would feel like she is forcing you to talk or she is being a noise maker. Either of those feelings is not what will earn you a second date not to speak of a relationship with her.


If she is asking you about something, try to go a bit into detail but not too much either so you don’t seem enthusiastic. If you are too shy to talk over dinner, then invite her to something you like doing or something you notice might be a common ground for you both. It could be a game or a concert or the zoo. This would give you plenty to talk about, and you won’t come up blank.

3. Being cheap

This is another pothole you must avoid. If you want to take your crush on a date, ensure you have enough on you. Plan your date according to your budget. Make the appropriate inquiries to know the venue and what it entails before taking her out.

It will become quite rude and embarrassing when she wants to order, and you are saying she can’t because your credit card just maxed out. You might be thinking you need to conserve cash or you need to be on a tight budget while she is feeling, if my date is probably too cheap with money, then he would be cheap in bed and tight-fisted in the relationship.

Trust me. It is one thing for you to make her understand the position of your pocket than making a huge fuss about how big your pockets are only for her to find out that it is a lie. It will be embarrassing for both you and her. So as much as you can, if you are saving up cash, plan your date yourself.

Take to places you know you would be able to afford the cost of anything on their menu. And besides, who said your first date must be dinner or lunch? You could get creative and decide to take her to a picnic or a game or even go hiking. That is a lot cheaper and way more fun than the dinner date.

4. Being upright about splitting the bill

Yes, women know you are men and that you like to take charge, but often, they try to want to help out too. It is just their basic instinct. You must avoid acting up simply because she decided to help you by splitting the bill.

In Relationships these days, women try to help out. Here is one thing you must realize. Women are also making money as well sometimes even much more than the man. Don’t feel emasculated when she offers to split the bill with you.

If you want a relationship with her, you have got to show her that you can maturely allow her to take care of somethings at home without necessarily being a big baby. If she insists, you will enable her to. If you don’t like the idea, politely let her down.

Here is what I think you should do. Since it is the first date, then you can kindly explain to her that the next date, you will allow her to split the bill with you. However, if she is insistent and bent on picking up the tabs, then why not? It could be her way for letting you know that she doesn’t need to depend on you all the time.

It can also be her way of establishing boundaries. Remember, because you bought dinner doesn’t guarantee you a free visa to her bed or in between her legs. It might not even earn you a kiss just so that you know.


5. Avoid rambling about yourself

As much as you want her to know all about you, what you do for a living and how great a guy you are, avoid rambling about yourself. It is a two-way conversation and not a talk show about how great a guy you are. Stop dominating the conversation and looking narcissistic.

You are making yourself look bad in her sight. You are merely portraying the fact that you are so self-absorbed that you can’t see anyone else apart from you. This isn’t a great way to start a relationship, in fact, it is one of the worst ideas ever.

Here is what you should know: What impresses a lady is knowing that someone cares about her and is genuinely interested in her, what she does and what her dreams are. If you are a little bit confused about where you can begin, how about you start from what she does for a living and how much she enjoys it. That will give you a good ground to know her kind of job and if she derives satisfaction from it.

Women love to keep ow that their men care about their ambitions and life achievements. It gives them a sense of satisfaction about the fact that they know they are appreciated for what they do.

6. Avoid getting drunk

Do you want to embarrass yourself? All you need to do is to take in too much liquor and off she goes scrambling for the door. No lady can be with a guy who can’t handle his alcohol. Getting drunk on the first date accomplishes two things: a. It makes you look like a fool and b. It simply gives her the red flag which signifies that she is heading for the door.

Yes we get it, you are nervous but downing alcohol to calm your nerves won’t help you either. Calm down. The world is not going to stop if she eventually doesn’t go on another date with you. Slow down.

Here is what you should do: if you still think alcohol will help you calm your nerves, then please eat before taking it. Alternate your drink with water. A little sip here and there alongside water is just enough to calm your nerves. Don’t go guzzling down the whole bottle. You may just end up acting stupid and regretting your actions the next morning.

7. Avoid the heavy talk

Yes, she wants to get to know you, but no she doesn’t want to know the deep dark secrets in your closet just yet. You need her to get to know you and who you are deep inside but you don’t want to go into the most profound darkest moments of your past. No, you must avoid going down that lane.

No one wants to go teary-eyed on a first date especially when it is not from a movie. You don’t want her sympathizing with you. It is probably in your best interest that you don’t bring up all past relationship discussions and how they broke your heart.

If she asks you about it, you can just go into it briefly. Giving her all the dark parts of your past relationship shows that you are still strung out in it and you are living in the past. If you have made up your mind to date her, then you must ensure that you have moved on from the past and you are ready to build the future.


If you are not past your last relationship, then it probably won’t be a good idea to have a quiet date as your first. It is best you two chose a public place that is bubbling with life and fun. That way, you are not reminded of the past, but you are just enjoying the present.

8. Avoid being an ass

Women these days may not accept chivalry; however, they still appreciate a gentleman. Don’t slack on your Manners. Little things like pulling up a chair for her to sit, opening the car door, pulling out the door to let her in first and so on gets you top marks in her books if you do it just right.

Guess what; she notices your attitude to the waiters, the driver and other people you think might not count. She understands that if you can treat the people who may Mena nothing to you excellently well, how much more her that you claim to care about?

You can be an ass by ignoring her and being on your phone all day. Bear in mind that you are not in a relationship or on a date with your phone. You are on a date with an actual human so act like it. Leaving your phone for the next 2 hours won’t make the world spiral out of control.

If you know that your job or business might become a pressing need, handle it properly before embarking on that date with her. Realize this fact; No matter how modern or chaste a woman claims to be, she still wants her man to be decent and show her some form of respect.

She always wants you to have table Manners as well as being a gentleman to her and others around you. Never forget this or that date might become a disaster before you know it.

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