Relationships are not the easiest situations individuals find themselves. Granted, it can be the most beautiful venture you decide to enter. But only if done right. There are no easy routes, no shortcuts and no means of skipping protocols. However, if you know how to love your spouse right, then the playing field becomes leveled.
It doesn’t matter how different or distinct you are from your spouse; you just have to know how to speak their language. I don’t assume you can profess your love so beautifully to someone in Spanish and expect them to get the gist if all they speak is Swahili. Your confession of love only makes sense if they can speak or if they understand the language you spoke to them with. If not, then sure, they have to learn your language as a secondary tongue or you learn theirs.
Love works the same way. To fully understand your partner and know how to love them, you have to decode their emotional love language. You have to know what signals they’re putting out there as to how they want to be loved. This is key to building a lasting relationship.
There are five (5) basic love languages. Knowing them will help you identify what category your spouse belong to and nudge you in the right direction in learning how to speak their language.
1. Words of affirmation
The power of words cannot be stressed enough. Even more so in sexual relationships. Words of affirmation entail speaking words of accreditation to your spouse. Compliments and words of appreciation are an effective way of communicating love.
Individuals whose primary love language is Words of affirmation, are those who hang on to your every word. Telling them “You look beautiful/handsome in your outfit today”, “I appreciate how you always call me everyday” or “I love how you laugh so heartily”, is telling them you love them. Everyone wants to feel appreciated, but if that is your partner’s love language, then its important you let them know you appreciate them.
2. Quality Time
You give your time to things that are of value to you. In this case, spending quality time with your spouse is giving them your time and attention exclusively. No distractions, no third parties. Just the both of you talking, far away from your phones or other gadgets and techs.
Of course, you have limited time to get things done. There’s a lot of demands on your time, and a lot of things seek your attention. But the fact that you can clear your schedule to fix your partner into your day is what makes them feel extremely loved. If your spouse communicates love with this language, then do what you have to do to spend quality time with them.
3. Receiving gifts
Everyone loves getting gifts. Not just because someone spent their money to get you something new or shiny, but because they were thinking about you enough to want to get you something. You must have someone in mind before you get them a gift. It isn’t just about spending your money on it, or spending time searching for it, but that you were thinking about your spouse. It is channelling that thought of getting out of your way to buy a gift and giving it as an expression of your love that makes it so important to your spouse.
I was taught long ago that love goes side by side with giving. You can’t love without giving something to someone you love. Be it your time or your money. As a matter of fact, all the languages of love dwell on giving one thing or the other. However, those who affirm love by receiving gifts prefer a more substantial offering as opposed to your time or words. Actually, its easy to learn this love language.if your spouse aligns with this love language, all you have to do is become a proficient or expert gift giver.
4. Acts of service
This love language requires you to get your hands dirty. Those who require service as an act of love just want you to do stuff for them. Help them with chores, help them lift the heavy loads, do the dishes, help pay the bills etc. If your partner requires acts of service to validate love, then saying “I love you” is not enough. You gotta act!
5. Physical touch
Holding hands, hugs, kissing, sexual intercourse, are all examples of physical touch. Initiating contact with one’s spouse is paramount in every relationship. It is an expression of love. A powerful way of conveying love in every emotional relationship.
For some persons, physical touch is their primary love language. A lack of it makes them feel unwanted or unloved. What they want basically is to feel secure in the loving touch of their partners.
Touching your partner doesn’t require a lot of your time or energy. It requires much thought, however. This might require more effort for individuals who grew up not experiencing physical touches from their loved ones. But if your partner’s love language needs you to make physical contact with them frequently, it wouldn’t hurt to sit close to them when you’re watching TV together, hold their hands when taking a walk or just a jolly ol’ kiss before you leave for work. This will mean a lot for your spouse.
You see? Love isn’t that hard to maintain. Just a little bit of studying and sensitivity and you’re well on your way. Find out today what your spouse is saying to you. Learn how to communicate with them with a language they can relate with.
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