Dating Again After a Divorce: Tips for Single Mothers

Guess who is excited about the summer dating season? You guessed right, me! The season it is upon us already, and it is the right time for you to get up and open your heart to love again.

You are divorced, but that isn’t the end of the dating road for you. The question you probably have on your mind at this point is how you can approach the season and maximise your time without getting caught up in the anxiety that usually surrounds it.

Dating can be very tricky, and that is something you must bear in mind. It’s like creating an Instagram video where you introduce people to a new recipe; there is potential for greatness, but sometimes the result might fall short of your expectations.

No doubt it can be frustrating when you brace yourself up, summon the courage to go back into the world and look for someone who would be loving and caring enough to spend some good time with you, and what you get is a bunch of new people who become too familiar in a short time and vanish once you bring up the topic of meeting and spending time together.

With all the narcissistic, self-centered, heart breakers out there, how are you supposed to find that prince charming in the midst of all those villains? And how do you stop yourself from being scared you would get hurt the same way the last one hurt you?

Don’t worry much as we have you covered. Going out on dates does not have to be too complicated you can actually find someone who you would like and have a long lasting relationship with. All you have to do is follow the steps below and watch Cupid change your love forever.

You need to recover from all the hurt you feel

Single Mum

Imagine how you would cope if you had to attend to your kids late at night when you know you haven’t had enough sleep for days and you even had an early start.

That feeling isn’t what any mom wants to have, especially when you have more than one child. That’s the same way embarking on the journey to relationship goes when you’re still carrying all that burden and hurt from the past one.

Remember that a relationship is a place of pressure whether you like it or not your matter the level of depression weather sudden or intense you have to come from a place of confidence and stability for things to work.

Going into something new with your baggage from the previous relationship will only cause you to jump into making decisions that would just favour you for the moment but not be beneficial to you long term.

Another thing that would happen is that you begin to treat potentially wonderful partners with the anger and distrust that you have for the person you were within your previous relationship.

You find yourself judging them, attacking them, and accusing them unjustly which would eventually lead to the collapse of your new relationship. You not only keep hurting others when you don’t heal from your past, but you also hurt yourself a lot more.

If you want anything to work out, you should be prepared to give everything you can to make sure that it goes smoothly.

And giving all you can include healing enough to drop the baggage of pain and give someone else a chance, bearing in mind that it may or may not work, but you will be fine no matter how it turns out.

Respect is of utmost importance

Amongst the many things that you need to consider when searching for the right person, respect is one of the most vital. Respect for both the person you would be meeting and most importantly respect for yourself.

When I talk about respect, in this case, I refer to you making your mind on the things that you would accept and the things you will not take and standing firm by those choices all the way through.

Respect here also means having realistic expectations of the person you would be meeting and setting your mind on a specific goal you hope to achieve by meeting this person.

I would be unrealistic to deny the fact that every woman has a mental picture of the perfect man. Some of us want men who are tall, dark, handsome, very rich, has a fleet of exotic cars and a castle by the seaside.

But for a minute, it will be helpful if you could put yourself in the shoes of the person you expect to see and imagine someone else having all those expectations of you.

That’s a whole lot to ask from one person so sometimes it is best just to expect a simple person, and if the perfect one steps in it’s all well and good for you.

Go on dates with your cash and pay for your food, drive yourself home or pay for your transportation. Allow your date to be themselves around you.

Relax

I am certain there was a time in your life where you understood what it means to relax you could go on techniques or visit restaurants with your friends and talk just about almost anything at all.

You need to bring all of that back and let your hair down again. Visit that fancy restaurant you always wanted to try, go swimming, pick up a hobby, or just spend some time with your kids at the amusement park.

Trust me when I say all of that will bring you back to happiness and you will be ready to have as much fun as possible with whoever you meet.

You don’t want to be the boring one who is too serious looking for love and forgetting the importance of connecting. Forget about all the red flags you may notice and just relax and get to know the person you are with.

This is the time to relish

You are leaving the kids and going out to have fun. You don’t need to make dinner yourself or spend time cleaning the house, plus you get to dress up and smell nice for someone.

That is plenty of good for you, and you deserve to be spoilt. Do not worry about what the result of your date will be, just enjoy the moment.

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Emmanuella Ekokotu
Ekokotu Emmanuella is a sociologist and Anthropologist, writer, and fashion model who lives in Benin city, Edo state,Nigeria.

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