Dear married women, have you ever wondered why it feels like the man you fell in love with and married seems like a stranger to you? Have you ever asked why it feels like the man who was your knight in shining armour suddenly feels like the “devil” in a red apparel. While you may thinking it is all the man’s fault, could it be that there is something you usually did before while you were dating that you no longer do anymore?
As much as you may think we may not understand with you, the truth is we do and that is why this article is being written. This article is to help point out some areas by which you can improve in your marriage and so that it can go back to that “garden filled with roses” that you once enjoyed.
Let us help you shall we? Here are a few pointers that we have gathered from research. There are somethings in which you may have stopped doing during your marriage that you may not have noticed you have stopped doing. Do you want that honeymoon stage back in your marriage and if possible make it last forever?, if yes, then keep reading.
So while you are reading this article, you can make a few corrections, add a few twisters to it and apply to your marriage and see the magic and wonders that it would work in your home.
1. How about a little reminder?
Remind yourself and your partner what exactly made you both fall in love with each other in the first place. What were the little things that you both did in the very beginning? How about those romantic hugs that you give him when he walks in through the doors of your home after a very stressful and hectic day?
Greet him with a romantic hug when he walks in through the door. Steal that little kiss from him. Surprise him with a little rose flower that you picked up from the store. Be romantic with him. Studies has shown that majority of the men to go out to cheat on their wives actually do that because of the emotional dissatisfaction they get from their wives. Even though you may feel it is childish, how about a little run around the house with your husband. Remind him of his childish nature. Bring out his playful side and enjoy it genuinely with him.
That way, you just may be reminding him of the reasons why you both fell in love with each other.
2. A little “thank you” can go a long way:
Being appreciative of things your husband or anyone does for you is not a sign of weakness. It is simply a way of saying “I know you could have chosen not to do it, but thanks for thinking of me while doing it”.
No matter how little you think his gesture is towards you, even though you may feel like it is your right for that gesture to be extended towards you, saying thank you won’t hurt you. Your partner will even be pushed to do more and do better next time.
We hear some women say they can never thank their husband for doing his responsibility, but please don’t go down that road if you want your marriage to be rosy again. Enough of the ingratitude, and let’s go for gratitude.
3. Offer him your respect:
Giving your husband your utmost respect is part of the highest ways that you can love him. Once your husband feels that you don’t respect him, it is almost like you are declaring war in your home. Every man out there has an ego that loves to be cherished but most of all respected.
Make sure your husband knows that you regard him with respect. Don’t down play your husband in front of your family and most especially YOUR friends. There are times when he won’t necessarily be his 100% and you may feel that he doesn’t respect you enough. But still, even under those circumstances, you are still to respect him and make sure he knows this.
If you both are a contrast of view, you should respectfully show him your view and also respect his view. Don’t make it a habit to walk out on him while in an argument or shout back to him. This is a classic sign of disrespect to him.
4. Watch your tongue:
Your tongue can either break your home or help you build it depending on how you use it. Don’t be a woman that tongue lashes her husband at any opportunity she gets. Your words can either build him or break him. He might have had a boss who tongue lashes him at work all day or colleagues who might have said something to bring down his spirit at work.
It is your duty as his wife to build him up with your words. He needs your words of love not condemnation, your words of reassurance not depressing words. So dear ladies, if you want that beautiful marriage that you always had once before, then your tongue should be constantly watched.
5. Be honest:
Nothing makes a man more appreciative than a woman who is very honest no matter what. You don’t need to go into hiding even if you have done something wrong. You can be sure that he would eventually find out, if not now maybe sometimes in the future. Honesty breeds trust. Once you start your marriage on the page of honesty, then it won’tbe hard for the seed of trust to start germinating.
Likewise, if there is something or there are somethings that your partner does but you don’t like, you can as well tell him politely and respectfully. Your manner of approach would also matter in this kind of a situation. If you feel that the communication line between you and your partner is getting thinner, it’s is better you tell him once you notice it than allow communication issues to begin to fester and then one day, you and your husband may then reach the ‘danger zone in your marriage.
Don’t let it get to this before you begin to voice out your opinions, displeasure and discoveries about things you don’t like. But please, make sure you do it the right way.
6. Be mindful of your appearance:
Be careful to maintain your shape and look good even after having your kids. It is very easy to neglect your appearance once you are married and so many factors can distract you from taking a look at how you look or how your body shape is turning out. Think about the first few times you went on a date with your partner. Think about all the efforts you put in to look so good for him and also how when you walked by, heads had to turn. Would you actually have gone out to meet him looking all sweaty and smelly to give him a hug? Of course, you wouldn’t.
Now, it is very easy for a woman who maybe have had 2 or 3 kids to neglect her looks but that shouldn’t be the case. You need to look good, smell nice and walk beautifully when he is around or perhaps when you are going out with him.
Hence, if you know you are going out of shape or you probably haven’t had a shave in a while or maybe you haven’t had a nice haircut in a while, let the kids be for a while with maybe the babysitter or your husband or an adult you can trust. Go out and get a good haircut and go have a shave. Look fresh, clean and beautiful for your husband.
7. Break your routine:
We all know the importance of having a certain routine and how beautiful it is to be consistent in it. But for the sake of your marriage or for the sake of your husband, break your routine once in a while.
It wouldn’t hurt if instead of taking dinner at home, you decide to go out for a date night in the middle of the week. If you don’t go out for girl’s club that Saturday, it won’t kill you. Probably you are always too busy. You can always take a break once in a while for your husband, kids and generally your marriage.
It would do you both good if you can actually stay off your routine sometimes just to spend quality time with your spouse doing new things. Research has shown that couples grow close when they try out new things together. Don’t bash the idea, instead embrace it.
8. Reduce your ‘high’ expectations:
Probably due to the soap operas or movies that you have watched, it may have shaped your mindset to have so high an expectation from your husband. We need you to understand that your husband can’t fulfil all your needs. When you place too many demands on your husband, there is a very high chance that he will pull back or withdraw simply because he can’t meet them.
If you ask too much of your husband and he can’t meet your needs, the feelings of being a failure may begin to take root in him and then he will want to run away from you instead of towards you. Instead of always putting pressure on him to fulfil all your needs for example your emotional need, you can always carry a little of that burden yourself to help him out rather than just laying everything on him expecting him not to drop from all that baggage.
Realise that your husband is also human as well and he has needs just like you. As much as he is expected to take care of your needs, you are likewise responsible for taking care of his needs as well.
9. Be his safe haven:
Every man wants a woman they can come home to. They all want a woman who will welcome them with their loving open arms. I bet that if you are a woman who is loving and caring towards her husband, he would want to come back home.
No man wants to come back to a ‘war zone’ at home after leaving one ‘war zone’ at work. Ensure you at least have his food prepared and his bath ready when he is almost home and he would thank you for it.
Newton third law of motion states that “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction”. This also applies in marriage. If you give him love, he would reciprocate love and if you give him a war zone, he would give you hell.
10. Learn his love language:
There is a delicate difference between men and women that we the women folk need to understand well. There are different ways in which a man can love a woman. Different men have different ways of loving different women.
You need to understand your husband’s way of expressing his love towards you. Some men may love public display of affection and hence show that to you while some other men are more subtle and may go for getting you gifts but he may not necessarily acknowledge you in public. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, this simply means that his love language is different. I will recommend you read Gary Chapman’s book “The five different love languages” as this will help you understand how your husband expresses his love to you.
Once you can understand this, then it will be easier to appreciate his expression of love towards you and also how you can always reciprocate your love to him.
11. Don’t forego intimacy with him:
Don’t punish your husband with sex for no reason whatsoever. Don’t forget to be intimate with him. Intimacy doesn’t necessarily mean sex or that hot romance session. It could be also found in simple things as well. Things like staring at each other with love, taking a walk together, holding hands or placing a kiss on his cheeks. These things no matter how little they may seem, they maintain intimacy in a marriage.
So don’t stop doing those little things that you usually do before that brought you both together
12. Let go of the competition:
Just because your friend’s husband bought her a new car doesn’t mean you must pressurize him to get one for you. Don’t compete with other couples. Yes, they may be enjoying their luxury but be contented. Look at what you have and be grateful.
13. Leave him be:
Men are not the clingy type and will most pattern than not love to have their space or as I love to call it, their ‘me’ time. Let your husband have his space to think and strategize and in no time, he will be back to you with better ideas and better prospects.
14. Always forgive ahead of time:
There are a lot of times that your husband will offend you. Forgive him ahead of time. This will cover for the mistakes that he is bound to make. Let all grudges go. If you must speak about something he has done wrong, do it with love.
Yes, we know you are right and he may know it as well but your manner of approach matters a lot. Let all grudges go and don’t go to bed having unresolved issues between you lest you let it fester and become a matter of divorce.
15. Pray for him:
There are a lot of things that your husband goes through during the day. The only way you can help him sometimes is through prayer. Never forget to pray for him. Pray for the strength of God to carry him through the day. Pray for his Job and everything you can the Lord on his behalf.